I have sat down several times to write something, and each time I end up canceling it. It seems that I just can not put into words how I feel. Tim would laugh at that because he knew I never held back how I was feeling and was never at a loss for words. This time, it's different though, but I will try my best.
All the things that have been said are true and I know his life affected so many people.
Tim was one of the best friends I've ever had in my entire life. He was like a big brother to me. We spent countless hours on the phone and in person talking about life, love, lost love, people, music, food, horses, etc...and we tried like the devil to solve all the world's problems over cocktails, but we never got far.
He was such an inspiration to me. I always said I wanted to be like Tim when I grew up. He was kind, compassionate, non-judgemental, forgiving, intelligent, fun, had a wicked sense of humor, and never failed to have a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen whenever anyone needed it. He was the kind of person we all aspire to be. He set the bar pretty damn high!
Timmy's right in a way...Tim never failed to show love, even for people that were strangers. But that's only half true because Tim never met a stranger. He had the capacity to love beyond anything that most people would ever dream of.
I have struggled over the last few years, and especially over the last few days, to make sense of this. I guess it's normal to ask "why" but in this case, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY DAMN IT!!! I have experienced the expected emotions...sadness, depression, anger, and I've even done my share of bargaining with God. But no answers come. The only thing that keeps repeating in my mind is that God has a reason for everything. And the only reason I can come up with is that, through Tim's living, we all learned to live. His example of living beats the hell out of what most of us will ever do. And even in death, we are learning...learning to be a little nicer to people, a little more forgiving, a little less judgemental, and a lot more loving..because that's what Tim taught us.
Timmy and Kristen, you both know I am here for you, anytime, anywhere. Just call.
Bev, same goes for you too. I'm here for you.
Tim, sweetie, you know I love you, and I miss you every day and probably always will. But you will be forever in my heart, and even though we didn't get to say goodbye, it doesn't matter. It's not good bye, I'll see you again. As the song says..
If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down, just you wait and see.
Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you.
Love, me
I miss you Timmers
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